Previous Therapists, Part 1

I found my last therapist (oldT) before I had even left the psychiatrist/therapist (PT) before her. PT was retiring. I’d seen her for six years – which was about how long she was in private practice. It was super-hard to let go. I knew it was coming, due to her age and Parkinson’s, but I wasn’t expecting it when she told me. She informed me just six months after my mother died, and it felt like another crushing blow.

She’d given me two months notice, so we had time to talk about it. But I didn’t. I couldn’t form the words without crying, and I didn’t want to bust out like a blubbering fool. So I avoided it as it related to us and how I felt about it. We talked about logistics. Finding me a new psychiatrist. Finding a new therapist.

I had cumulus clouds of feeling inside and I just couldn’t talk about any of them. So, of course, I wrote a letter. Actually, I wrote two or three. As I processed my feelings, the content of the letter would shift. The last one, the one I finally gave her, was heart-felt, genuine and thankful. I couldn’t read it to her; I don’t think I could have gotten the words out. She read it, silently. I think she felt touched and she thanked me.

On Thanksgiving, which was just a week or two after my last session with her, I sent her an email with a link to the Brother Steindl-Rast video called, A Good Day and I told her how grateful I was for her. She replied back, “Thank you RT.  I have received back more than I have ever been able to give.” Wow. That’s all I could think. Wow.

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.  - Albert Schweitzer