Googling Your Therapist

Looking for your therapist in either cyber or 3D space is all about boundaries. Both your T’s and your own. I’m responsible for my boundaries; T is responsible for hers. In general, I don’t believe it is a problem to search online for information about T – as long as everyone’s boundaries are intact.

When I was looking for a new therapist, I researched each prospect as thoroughly as possible without using a paid source. My insurance company provides name, address, sex, professional license, year and university of graduation and a check-off list of “specialties.” I wanted to know age and while year of graduation could be an indicator if it was many years ago, more recent graduations didn’t necessarily mean the therapist is young. Plus, therapists who had checked off every specialty… well, one can’t specialize in everything. It defies the meaning of the word. I looked for more info on that as well.

So, I googled. I searched for these answers and more. Spouse, children, race, political affiliation, reviews. Anything, really. I then used this information to paint a picture, making, of course, assumptions (limiting, I know) about what each piece of information might mean.

I selected one T before currentT because she had a webpage with a photo, list of specialties, contact policies, methods of treatment, payment and insurance information. It was great to see everything spelled out, and she seemed a perfect fit. I wouldn’t have found her page without googling. Despite everything she professed on her website, on the fifth session she told me she “couldn’t provide the level of care” I needed.

When I researched oldT (the one I saw for ten months), I discovered she had lived in multiple places around the country. This was worrisome, because I didn’t want to get into a therapy relationship with someone who might move in two years. I printed out a list of everything I’d found about her and took it to the second session. I simply told her I had looked her up, found this information and wanted to ask some questions about it. I did, and she also pointed out information that wasn’t about her.

In this instance I was simply seeking information to help me make a more informed decision. I didn’t have an interest in her personally. I also was up-front about having googled and gave her an opportunity to clarify or correct what I’d found. No secrets. No misinformation to fret about. She might have been annoyed, though she didn’t say that. I felt I was doing due diligence.

With currentT, I found her Facebook page (not too active) and saw pictures of her sisters and parents – oh, and pictures of T in overalls (way different look than what she wears to the office!). These are all people who eventually came up in session for one reason or another. Plus, I found her on LinkedIn which was VERY helpful because it gave me her complete curriculum vitae. I was impressed with the depth of her experience. Good.To.Know.

Googling after the therapist has been engaged? Why does one do it? How does it affect the therapy relationship? There are many reasons why one might continue googling her therapist. One’s motivation and boundaries are key to assessing whether or not it’s a good idea.

If you have a burning need to know something about your therapist, it’s probably a better idea to ask and talk about it in session. Indulging your need to know by spending time online searching or driving past her house or going somewhere because you think you might run into her – are self-boundary violations. The point is that the “need” or urgency sets us up to be emotionally impacted by information we are creating in our own mind based on the information we learn which may or may not be accurate. When we do something that has the potential to create harm or distress to ourselves, we are crossing our own boundary. The boundary each of us has to protect ourselves – including our time, our body, our family, our privacy AND our mental health.

Now, if your T doesn’t want you “finding out stuff” about him or her, that is THEIR boundary and THEIR responsibility. They can tweak privacy settings on social media, have an unlisted phone number, use an alias to post comments online, put up a privacy fence. Obviously, it is impossible to create an absolute anonymous presence, but there are many steps one can take. If T gets angry because you found their Facebook page, then he hasn’t done his job. If T’s boundaries are very restrictive, it is his responsibility to take prudent measures. Asking the client not to look if he hasn’t done his own part, really isn’t fair. Plus, that’s his need and not necessarily yours. It’s a delicate balance to respect T’s need while honoring your own.

So, is there harm in searching online for a picture of T, because it helps your sense of object permanency or helps you feel the security you feel in his office? Ask yourself if your motivation will create a self-boundary violation. I also suggest talking with your therapist about it. If you are doing things related to T, but you feel you must keep them secret, then I think you really need to think carefully about what you are doing, why you’re doing it, and what the outcome might be. It’s generally a bad idea to have secrets related to T – and thus your relationship with her, because it interferes with trust. And trust is the foundation on which good therapy happens.

The world of electronic information and communication has created a new dimension to the therapist-client relationship. There are many opinions about how this media can be integrated (or not) into a treatment plan. Professional organizations are working to develop practice guidelines for our electronic world. Every client and every therapist is different and must negotiate the “rules” for their relationship.

Googling your therapist, in and of itself, isn’t good or bad. Talk about it with your therapist. Consider your motivation and boundaries. Think it through before you visit that search engine. Be good to yourself.

These are my views today, and they are evolving. I would love to hear your opinion and experience.