Struck By Lightning

I was almost hit by lightning when I was 20. The current sped through my body like a shiver on steroids. I wasn’t the bullseye, but I smelled smoke and three feet from where I sat was a hole burned into the carpet. Beneath that, concrete chipped from the floor. Wiring in the house was destroyed.

It happened again. I’ll try to explain.

I went to the movies yesterday. In an early scene, a young woman learns her son is being taken away from her, without warning or opportunity to say goodbye. She runs to a window only to see the car with her son pulling away. She sobs, anguished.

At once, I became that young mother in pain beyond words, beyond describable. In the next moment I was me again. A long ago me. My immediate response was to shut down completely. It was the only way to endure the crushing pain. In the same instance I knew I mustn't speak. Not at all. Not for a very, very long time.

I have never been a mother, I wasn’t taken from my parents, nor do I believe in past lives. Yet, every electron beneath my skin was on fire. I know I have had that emotional response before. Little Me was struck by lightning.

The human heart dares not stay away too long from that which hurt it most. There is a return journey to anguish that few of us are released from making.  - Lillian Smith

Beyond words –