Setting Boundaries

This may sound like a rant - okay, it is a rant. I am freaking tired of being the local bank. I have let us get into the position of being deep pockets for my BIL and our dog sitter. I’m not talking about annoyingly small amounts like $20 or $50. Let’s start at $500 and go up to $2350.

A recent loan of $900 to the dog sitter for “rent is due tonight” is being paid, though not on the promised schedule. A previous loan for $1200 is being worked off through dog duties, although that was not our original agreement.

The in-laws, however, have been taking advantage of our inability to set boundaries for several years.  They recently paid off the $2350 loan out of a Christmas bonus that was purportedly upwards of $10K. Two days ago, BIL left a message on my voice mail asking for $1000 to buy a car. His truck bit the dust, and he’d already been borrowing my car for the past two weeks (at 500 miles a week) and was supposedly talking to his credit union about a loan. Alas, he has no credit due to a bankruptcy filing nine years ago. Oh, and maybe some dings on his record, because he pays his mortgage late.

I was so angry, I was in tears. I felt my food sobriety and mental health crumbling. I cried and raged and fought with all my might to keep from letting this issue harm my goals. Finally, I quieted.

The next day, BIL called again, and I answered his call. Uh, did you get my voice message, he asked. Could I borrow a thousand dollars? Without hesitation, without floundering for an excuse, I said: BIL, frankly, I don’t want to lend you the money. I am not a bank. OMG, I couldn’t believe the words were coming out of my mouth. When the dog sitter pays the final $$, I will tell her, also, that we will not continue to loan her money.

I feel so much better.

Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.  -Brene Brown

You can do it!