I Didn't Panic

Yesterday my therapist left a voice message for me. She had called my insurance company and was told my benefits expired on December 31st. And, of all the past times she has seen me - maybe 10x - they would pay her for two. I was concerned but confident that I DO have coverage and the problem could be worked out.

In times past, news such as this would terrorize me. I'd become distraught, despairing that my insurance company found me a liability (sick), imagining an impossible financial burden and fearing my T would drop me like a brick. I would begin grieving the loss of an attachment figure. All before making a single phone call to try to straighten things out.

Yesterday, I was aware of how a situation such as this would have previously put me on a downward spiral, yet I was able to approach it like a problem to be solved without the accompanying drama. Yes, I was concerned. I wanted to get things sorted out. But I didn't panic - even though I was unable to resolve the issue yesterday. I didn't become consumed with anxiety.

It took a very long time to get to this point... still, I have gotten better, not worse. Today, I will let that be enough.

Worrying is carrying tomorrow's load with today's strength - carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.  -Corrie ten Boom

Go gently-